


Seasons

by Willowe (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst disguised by a thin layer of schmoop, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-26
Updated: 2012-09-26
Packaged: 2017-11-15 02:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Willowe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam wakes to a knock on the door, of all things, and when he opens it Gabriel is standing there, trademark smirk in place even if it’s looking a bit forced. This is the last thing he needs dumped on him but then again, Sam’s stopped thinking he’ll ever get what he wants in life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seasons

**Author's Note:**

> Heed the warnings. This may not seem that bad at first, but it does have an absolutely horribly angsty ending.

**_Winter_ **

Gabriel returns on New Year’s Day. Sam wakes to a knock on the door, of all things, and when he opens it Gabriel is standing there, trademark smirk in place even if it’s looking a bit forced.  Sam doesn’t even realize he’s staring until Gabriel softly says, “Hey, Kiddo.” It’s that voice that snaps him out of his daze because he knows that voice. Knows when that voice is lying, bending the truth, when it’s honestly scared and pissed off, and when _This is me standing up…_

“You’re dead!” isn’t quite what Sam means to say, but that’s what comes out. Gabriel grins, or forces one anyway- and falls forward. Sam barely manages to catch him before he hits the ground, almost drops him again when he feels just how _freezing_ Gabriel is, and drags the smaller man into his house. This is the last thing he needs dumped on him but then again, Sam’s stopped thinking he’ll ever get what he wants in life.

In-between forcing Gabriel into dry, albeit oversized, clothes and bundling him up in front of the rarely-used fireplace the story of what happened slowly comes out. Gabriel talks about his resurrection so he could take control of Heaven, about his Father’s punishment for him to live as a human for a year first.

Sam doesn’t ask how that’s supposed to be a punishment for Gabriel, just like he doesn’t ask about his shoes worn thin from walking or his clothes ruined by snow and dirt. “Why did you come to me?” he asks instead.

Gabriel just shrugs. “Who else do I have left to go to?”

Sam’s fireplace gets more use during that first month than it ever did before. Gabriel isn’t used to actually feeling cold and he acts like the house is just a step up from absolute zero, bundles up in sweatpants, an old sweatshirt of Sam’s, these completely ridiculous fuzzy socks, and still wraps himself up in a thick comforter on top of that. There’s a small window seat in the same room as the fireplace, too small for someone of Sam’s stature but the perfect size for Gabriel, and that’s where he usually curls up for the day. Sam brings him hot chocolate, or more often food because the angel- former angel?- still forgets that he actually needs to eat now.

Gabriel gets sick in February, just a little cold but he acts like he’s dying. He takes to sprawling out on the floor in front of the fireplace, an unnecessarily dramatic display of his angst and misery. Sam, meanwhile, takes to kicking him in the side to get his attention when he needs food or medicine. It’s actually really more of a nudge, but Gabriel always yelps as is Sam broke his rib or something, before making grabby hands to demand whatever food Sam brought this time.

“You can’t eat soup when you’re lying down like that,” Sam says, as he always does.

So Gabriel will groan and sit up, glaring at Sam like he asked him to do the impossible. This time, Gabriel tugs Sam down to the ground next to him, ignoring the hunter’s wince when the hot soup sloshes over onto his fingers, and burrows closer to Sam as he slurps his soup.

“Er…”

“You’re warm,” Gabriel says, as if that’s an explanation for the snuggling.

And if Sam doesn’t pull away… Well, it’s only because Gabriel is sick and Sam wants to make sure he’ll be alright.

**_Spring_ **

The snuggling somehow becomes a thing for them. Sam’s not sure how, because he’s pretty sure he remembers telling Gabriel that this wasn’t allowed to be a thing but February quickly turns to March and it’s still happening so someone missed the memo on that. He half expects it to stop once Gabriel realizes that he’s not going to die of hypothermia if he leaves the warmth of the fireplace room and actually ventures outside for the first time in two months, but it doesn’t. If anything, it only gets worse because in many ways Gabriel is like a small child, dragging him from one thing to the next, as if the first little buds of spring are the more important things ever.

Sam wants to ask if this is how Gabriel saw the world before, if he always looked at things with so much wonder and awe, but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment here, with Gabriel crouched down in the mud, tenderly pulling detritus away from a young daffodil sprout so it can grow better.

Sam wonders when his life became such a chick-flick, because he knows he has this ridiculous smile on his face right now, but to his surprise he finds he doesn’t at all.

The pieces finally fall into place in April. It’s a rainy day and for once Gabriel is staying inside. Normally this would make Sam happy, because he really doesn’t enjoy getting dragged out into the rain even if it’s Gabriel doing the dragging, but there’s something up with Gabriel and that’s worrying. He’s been curled up in the window seat all day, watching the rain beat again the window, but he looks thoughtful and worried instead of his usual happy demeanor.

“Everything alright?” Sam asks as he passes by on his way to the kitchen.

“Mm?” Gabriel looks up, as if he didn’t realize Sam was there. “Yeah, I’m… I’m fine.”

Except Sam’s getting better at reading Gabriel, or maybe the former angel lost his lying skills when he lost his powers, and he knows that Gabriel is hiding something. But he doesn’t push the issue, just goes into the kitchen and starts making lunch for himself and Gabriel. He’s just finished the two sandwiches when he turns around and finds himself nose-to-nose with the former Archangel.

“Er… You sure everything’s alright?” Sam asks warily, because this is definitely out of the ordinary for Gabriel and the last thing he needs is some sort of angelic-meltdown on his hands.

He’s completely taken aback when Gabriel grabs his face and tugs him down, kissing him clumsily and awkwardly. Sam flails for a minute, knocking one of the sandwiches onto the ground, doesn’t know what to do with his hands or his mouth and _holy shit Gabriel is kissing him._

Just as he manages to process that fact, Gabriel steps back. “I, um, just thought you should know,” he mutters, and flees the kitchen.

Sam’s left standing there, part of a sandwich slowly sliding off his shoe, staring down the hallway where Gabriel disappeared, wondering what the hell just happened. Well what just happened was Gabriel fucking kissed him. Because… because he liked him? But why? What the hell did he have to offer someone like Gabriel anyway?

But more importantly, what the hell is he supposed to do now?

He spends the rest of the day floundering for an answer. Gabriel’s avoiding him at all costs and although Sam doesn’t want to admit it that… hurts, a little. He’s grown use to Gabriel’s company, to always having him there at his side, even to the former-angel’s overly affectionate displays of affection. Little things that would bother him about other people don’t annoy him at all when Gabriel does them. Yeah, Gabriel’s still immature, still has a crude sense of humor that makes Sam cringe, but he’s still genuinely funny. Sam’s just gotten used to having him around and yeah, maybe his kinda loves-

Oh.

Gabriel spends May teasing Sam about how he practically molested him once he figured things out. Sam scowls, mutters about Gabriel assaulting him first with that kiss, but his protests are more amused than actually annoyed. Especially now that the days are getting warmer and they spend most of their time out in the garden, doing nothing but enjoying the sunlight and each other’s company, trading gentle kisses until one of their hands start to wander.

The first tiem Sam actually fucks Gabriel the former angel is shaking and crying by the time their done and Sam is terrified that he pushed him too far. Gabriel is quick to reassure him that he's fine, that it's just different, more intense than before. Sam's still convinced that Gabriel's never going to sleep with him again, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

Now Sam moans that he corrupted an archangel and Gabriel is quick to point out that he corrupted himself centuries before, and if Sam's not comfortable with this they can always stop...

Sam always stops complaining after that.

**_Summer_ **

The heat and humidity hit just as June rolls in and both angel and hunter retreat back inside to the comfort of the air condition. Gabriel watches old cartoons on TV, goes on long diatribes about how they were always the best inspirations for tricks and pranks.

“Do you miss it?” Sam asks as they watch another one of Wile E. Coyote’s pranks go horribly wrong.

“What, being a Trickster?” Sam nods and Gabriel just shrugs. “Yeah, sometimes. I mean it was my whole life for two millennia and losing all of my powers like that… Well, it takes some adjusting. But there are some advantages to being human, you know.”

“Like what?”

“Well you guys feel more, for one. Emotionally and physically. Living in a Vessel is like experiencing things with a filter, and now that that’s gone… It’s overwhelming, yeah, but it’s also freakin’ awesome. I  mean, I have you now and I can really feel you and nothing in the past 2,000 years even comes close to that.”

July, quite literally, starts off with a bang. Sam decides he wants to have a real Fourth of July celebration, even if it’s just the two of them, and he goes all-out for it. Sam’s in charge of the important details- the cookout and other food and the fireworks. Gabriel declares himself in charge of dessert and drinks. Sam’s initially wary, especially when he sees the patriotic jello monstrosity being created in the kitchen, but the delicious apple pie and ice cream that’s offered as an alternative keeps him happy enough.

There’s enough food to feed an army and both Sam and Gabriel are stuffed and content by the time it’s dark enough to set off the fireworks. Sam promised to let Gabriel set off one, under his careful supervision, but they end up setting them all off together anyway. Sam kisses Gabriel as the last of the fireworks fizzles out over their heads and decides there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

Their A/C breaks halfway through July, and they spend the long weeks into August lying around the house half-naked, rickety fans blowing humid air throughout the house. Sam refuses to buy Gabriel popsicles after enduring the former angel fellating the first box, but at night when it’s cooler they lie out on the front lawn and eat ice cream, watching the meteor showers.

Sam spends a lot of time thinking about Dean, about long nights spent waiting for deals to come due and worlds to end, and wants to ask Gabriel if he knows what happened to Dean and Cas. But he doesn’t want to break the silence, doesn’t want to risk the wrong question coming out, doesn’t want to ask what will happen when Gabriel’s year is up.

A thunderstorm rolls in as Sam fucks Gabriel later that night, and the house shakes with the force of the storm. Gabriel notices that Sam’s thrusts get more desperate, that he holds onto the angel just a little bit tighter as they drift off to sleep, he doesn’t say anything.

Maybe he too feels how honestly fragile things are now.

**Autumn**

Logically Sam knows that September doesn’t start off any differently than the end of August but he can feel a change nonetheless and he doesn’t like it. He tries to distract himself by taking Gabriel to see the sights- the local caves, the hiking trails, the amusement park. Gabriel treats every one with the same delight and awe that he still shows everything in life, and every time it breaks Sam’s heart a little bit more because it’s becoming harder to deny the fact that this isn’t going to last

Sam starts sneaking books into the house, starts trying to research ways to keep Gabriel here with him. He knows it’s a futile effort, knows that if they’re going up against God there’s no way they’ll ever win, but he has to try. Which is exactly what he tells Gabriel when he’s finally caught red-handed with the books.

Gabriel just smiles sadly and says, “But I don’t want you to try. I just want to spend the next three months with you, without worrying about what can’t be changed.”

So they spend October raking leaves and carving pumpkins, using the innards to make more pumpkin pies and pumpkin soups than Sam’s seen in his whole life. He laughs when Gabriel drags him into the pile of leaves he just built up, and laughs harder when Gabriel still finds bits of leaves in his clothes even hours later.

The days get colder and the nights are downright frigid, and they cuddle together for warmth in front of the fireplace, sharing a down comforter and drinking tea and trading stories of the past, but all discussion of the future has been silently declared off-limits.

Sam throws himself into Thanksgiving with as much enthusiasm as he gave to the Fourth of July. Gabriel is once again in charge of dessert, whipping up three different types of pie and somehow still finding time to distract Sam while he’s trying to cook the turkey. They don’t bother setting the table, just carry the plates and bowls out in front of the fireplace and eat there.

Gabriel manages to smear squash on Sam’s nose, and Sam retaliates by flinging mashed potatoes at him. The near food war is averted by Gabriel tackling Sam, snuggling close and apparently deciding that dinner should be abandoned in favor of making out.

Sam’s perfectly alright with this plan. It beats having to think about how grateful he is that Gabriel is there, and how he won’t be there for much longer.

**Winter Again**

It’s Gabriel who goes crazy for the holiday this time. He decorates the house so thoroughly that there isn’t a single square inch that isn’t chaotically festive. Sam helps with the tree, buying ornaments and lights and helping thread popcorn onto a string to make garlands. He doesn’t say anything, not even when Gabriel starts making peppermint hot chocolates and singing horribly out-of-tune carols. Just smiles and laughs and commits every last second to memory.  

Sam doesn’t know what he’s supposed to give to an archangel that has less than a month left on Earth, worries and frets over it right up until Christmas Day when he finally has to admit, “Gabriel, I’m sorry, I didn’t get anything for you.”

Gabriel just smiles, leans up to kiss him gently and says, “Kiddo, this entire year has been a gift. Thank you.”

Sam doesn’t cry, not at that, but then Gabriel adds, “I did get you something, though,” and holds out a small box. Inside is a delicate chain with a little vial attached, inside which is the most delicate golden feather Sam’s ever seen.

“It’s mine,” Gabriel says softly. “Found it the other day. It should stick around after I’m-” He trails off, doesn’t finish what they both know he was going to say.

Sam is tearing up now and clings desperately to Gabriel in front of the dying fire and twinkling Christmas lights.

There’s six days between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, six days where Sam and Gabriel have to force themselves to pretend that they’re alright. They’re never out of each other’s sight, touching each other in some way more often than not. They don’t sleep at night, just stare at each other memorizing every detail about the other’s face until the sun rises.

Sam prays harder than he ever has before to a God he knows isn’t going to listen, but he doesn’t have any clue what he’s supposed to do. It’s been almost exactly a year since Gabriel showed up on his doorstep, and though he remembers what Gabriel told him back in January about how this was only temporary he still wants a dozen more years like this. He wants to grow old with Gabriel, wants to still curl up in front of the fire when they’re going grey and their glory days are long past. But that’s never going to happen, so instead he makes sure that Gabriel’s last days are the best he’s had.

New Year’s Eve is a somber affair. They spend the day outside, making snowmen and having snowball fights and doing anything they can do deny the inevitable. Sam puts on the countdown out of habit but keeps the volume low, doesn’t want to hear how long they have until midnight.

They make love once more, in front of their fireplace, and hold onto each other long after they’ve come down from their orgasms. Sam eventually gets dressed, goes to make one last cup of hot chocolate for each of them, and when he’s returned he’s surprised to see Gabriel dressed in the clothes he arrived in.

There’s a lump in Sam’s throat that he can’t speak around, just silently hands Gabriel his hot chocolate and pulls him close. Gabriel takes a sip and says, “Sam, I-”

“Don’t,” Sam says, pleadingly. “Whatever you’re going to say, I know. I just… Don’t say it. Not yet.” Because Sam’s barely holding it together as it is, doesn’t know how he’s going to last until midnight if Gabriel says anything now.

Sam expects the time to pass slowly, the hours to drag on forever, but they don’t. One minute it’s barely dusk and the next there’s only a few minutes until midnight. Sam’s clinging to Gabriel, as if he can physically hold the Archangel here.

The clock chimes midnight and Sam flinches, kisses Gabriel desperately. “Don’t forget me, Kiddo,” Gabriel murmurs softly.

“Don’t you dare forget me either,” Sam says, but Gabriel just smiles sadly and Sam knows he’ll never have him again like this.

Gabriel leans up, kisses him gently. “I love you,” he whispers.

And then he’s gone.

**Years Later**

There’s a small, carefully-built pile of stones marking where the driveway to the house used to be. Sam still drives there, a few times a year, but he never goes inside. He doesn’t need to see their bedroom, with the blankets still rumpled from that last morning together. He doesn’t need to see the fireplace room, with floorboard he pried loose so he could “bury” the hoodie he lent Gabriel that first night that the angel claimed for his own.

He sits out in his car, rubs his thumb along the old vial holding the delicate feather, and remembers Gabriel’s laugh, his smile, his touch. He remembers him with snow in his hair, mud between his toes, firework ash on his fingers, and leaves in his clothes. He remembers the way he tasted with peppermint hot chocolate and pumpkin soup, and he remembers fuzzy socks and down comforters and warm fireplaces.

Sam’s old now. Dean doesn’t tease him about the visits anymore, doesn’t ask to know what happened during the year he was in Purgatory. Castiel probably knows, but the pitying looks he gives Sam only confirms what the hunter’s known for years.

Gabriel doesn’t remember him. And Sam can never forget.

Sam still never gets what he wants in life. And now, he’ll never get what he wants in Heaven either.

 


End file.
